Many years ago, I started compiling what I called “The First Rules”. This was a series of guidelines to cover a variety of issues in life and, as the first rule for whatever, is the most important to consider. For example, the First Rule of Coffee is “If you don’t drink it, don’t make it.” How many people have you seen try to make coffee that have zero experience with it? You end up with something that legally could not be called ‘coffee’.

The First Rule of Sex is “Don’t have sex with someone crazier than you.” (“Fatal Attraction” should have REALLY taught you that!)

I had a standing rule for anime. The First Rule? “At least see the first episode.” A lot of people complain that they do not like anime, but then you discover they have never really seen it, or caught it in a glancing manner. They need to sit down and what whatever show from the first episode and THEN they can make their pronouncement.  This brings us to the Second Rule: “Watch the series from Episode One”. There are really extremely few shows that you can pop in on late, even at Episode Two and you need to know the set-up or you are puzzled beyond belief. You can’t always hope that there will be a recap episode (and should it occur, is somewhere around 13 or 14 in a 26-run show) and playing catch-up never really works. I tried to watch “Boogiepop Phantom” at Episode Three and was completely at sea for it, so I walked away. Which is a nice segue to Rule Three.

“If you feel the show is not going to get better, leave it. It is NOT going to get better.” I violated this rule twice: “Peach Girl” and “Gundam Seed Destiny”. For “Peach”, I knew by Episode Three that it wasn’t working, but I did not leave. “GSD” took a bit longer, as they had a big Mid-Course Correction around Episode Six or so. I watched “Peach” to the end, but when “GSD” was removed from my TV line-up, I let it drift into space.

“Be careful of long shows”. Very few shows have the chops to go ‘four seasons’ (between 50 and 52 shows). I am always leery of that, as I always get disappointed with the repetitive nature of it. “Monster” was just that, as they could have easily dumped 10 shows and made for a better run. Ditto for “Soul Eater”, although that was abetted with the dreaded Mid-Course Correction. Needless to say, “Naruto”, “One Piece” and “Bleach” have gone on for far too long and even “Case Closed” has put out some really forced tales. Now, note that I am not saying ‘abandon’ them. I did enjoy both “Inuyasha” and “Ranma ½” and they are long shows, but someone is there to keep it focused.

“If you don’t like the genre, don’t watch the show.” It would take an Act of God for me to watch “Slam Dunk” or “Initial D”, as it is sports and in two sports I care little for (basketball and racing, respectively). I see people complain about romantic comedies, but what they discuss about it indicates they saw it, but they hate the genre. Don’t watch it, OK? That seems simple enough to me. It may seem that I violate the First Rule by not watching it, but there has to be some degree of interest there and I have seen sports animes (“Bamboo Blade”, “The Big Windup”, “Suzuka” and “Prince of Tennis”, for example) so I am not discarding the genre out of hand, but 100 plus episodes for basketball? I’m leery.

“Do not compare manga with anime”. I know I shouldn’t have to say that, but never take anything for granted. I have never, EVER seen any manga come to anime intact. There is always some caliber of tweaking and even omission of stories as well. Just as you don’t compare book to movie, don’t do it here, as it will drive you nuts.

“What I like you may not like.” Tastes vary so you can find someone who feels that “Tokyo Mew Mew” is the Greatest Show Ever and you want to fling yourself under a bus. Allow those people to see the first episode and let them make the decision. There is nothing worse than a Boxset Bully and it may have the opposite effect of not only driving someone away from anime, but having them run away from you as well. (I can’t tell you the number of times that Narutophiles have try to ‘convince’ me of the worth of their shows.)

“Be wary of early fan service”. I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen fan service in the opening credits, long before I have even decided that I am going to be a fan. For me, it is a mark of desperation. Our show isn’t really that good, but we have acres of boobies and panty shots for you to leer at. Plot? Plot? Don’t be absurd. Now, this is not a hard and fast rule, as sometimes the story needs it early on, but don’t give me blunt force trauma with those globs of globes hammering down upon me, OK?

“Just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s bad.” Sure, you can see the shift in animation styles and approach and there are some shows that do look hopelessly out of fashion (“Galaxy Express 999” is that show for me), but just because it’s “Marmalade Boy” or “Casshern” doesn’t mean that you should dismiss it out of hand. I enjoy “Dirty Pair”, even though it is a far different animation than one is used to, it is still a rollicking good show. (Psst! Let me refer you back to the First Rule. Go ahead and reread it. I’ll wait here until you come back.)

The last rule? That’s easy: “Everything in moderation.” I watch between four and six episodes a day, but I have been know to take a break. I know of other people who buy the box set and try to wolf it down in a day. Dude, you OWN it; take your time to savor it. You don’t get extra points for being the first on your block to watch all of Dragonball Z before the stroke of midnight.

So, that’s it. More rules may pop up and you may have some that work especially for you, but I feel this covers the bulk of anime watching. Now, if you will excuse me, Xfinity On Demand is starting up “Sands of Destruction” and I don’t want to miss it, kuma.