There are two kinds of space aliens out there. The first one will rip out your lungs, Jim, as they are mean, cruel, vicious, ugly, primal and oozy. The second are cute, cuddly and busty. Talk about the moons of Mars!

“UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie” follows the story of Kazuto Tokino (the guy in the brown outfit; I hope you can find him between all this femininity) and the alien Princess, Valkyrie (the blonde on both the left and the right). Yes, both of them are her. It seems that while trying to escape a forced marriage, Valkyrie accidentally crashed her spaceship into Kazuto’s family owned public bath house and killed him. In order to save him, she gave up half her soul. The splitting up of her soul turned her into a child, but whenever she kisses Kazuto, Valkyrie returns to her adult form for a limited time, and regains the use of her special powers.

OK, please note the key word up there: bath house. You are guaranteed a tremendous amount of fan service, and right from the get-go. I did not even know if I was a fan before acres of skin were presented to me, plus a stunning transformation sequence (more on that later).

Anyway, a rival of Valkyrie, Hydra (the blue-haired mop up there), followed her to Earth, because she knew that if Valkyrie ran away, she would have to take her place at the wedding, which was not something she wanted to do. However, since cute space aliens cannot pilot their ships, she crashed into a temple. The shrine maiden there, Akina Nanamura, (to Hydra’s left) placed a barrier on her and sealed away HER powers, so she is also eight as well.

Rounding out our little entourage is Rika Tokino (the tiny one near Kazuto). She is his sister and the person who tries to keep the bath house financially afloat. Dead center in Sanata, personal maid to Valkyrie and, yes, she is a cat girl. She tends to get a bit over-protective of her young charge. In order to give Valkyrie a caliber of royal treatment in this backwater burg, she created an entire armada of cat girl servants. And no one really seems to notice that these girls have cat ears and a tail.

This series has four seasons and a movie, but I will focus on Season One, where everything is introduced. We just see a year in their lives as the intent to get Valkyrie married (potentially to Kazuto) is the focus. We have the usual run of actions and events, and the introduction of royal characters. We eventually see all eight princesses, but the two biggest are Chorus, who looks like a robot (kind of like Multi from “To Heart”) and Laine.

If you thought Hydra and Valkyrie were terrible drivers, (and they are. Even people in LA would think they were terrible) Laine is far, far worse. She never lands as much as crashes into something to stop. She is also a shape shifter, which leads to more hilarity as she pretends to be someone she isn’t to tempt Kazuto.

Oh, the transformation sequence. Yes, this is a hallmark of the show, as it has to happen at least once per episode. It’s the fact that you see Valkyrie change from 8 to 18 (or maybe 16; she did give half her soul) and acquire all the accoutrements of someone that age: long legs, marvelously flowing blonde hair, bodacious buttocks and, of course, her chestal region. In fact, you may just want to see the show for that they come flouncing out like in a time-lapse sequence.

The only thing that bothered me about it is that she dresses in a really stupid outfit. Her shoes look like Frankenstein boots and that hat. It’s a stupid hat! It barely works when she is 8, so it is less than zero when she is an adult. And, yes, the outfit is designed so you cannot miss her boobs….not that you could, anyway.

The first season climaxes with the upcoming nuptials, but to say anything more ruins it. Although an entertaining show, I am seeing too many like it: “Girls Bravo”, “Cat Planet Cuties”, “To Love-Ru”. All of these shows have some kind of slightly scattered heroine, who is cute and must be naked, to let you see she is very, very busty, and they get in all kinds of troubles, trying to live on Earth, but having their home-planet customs. And even their bodyguards or enforcers or protection portray themselves as hard and tough, when they really are a bunch of wimps.

Also, the first episode really is episode three, as they spend the first two episodes setting up things and THEN explain how things are the way they are.

It’s not a bad series, but I cannot imagine how you can string this out for four season and not retread at some point. And, believe it or not, there comes a moment when fan service is too much to handle. Blasphemy! (It’s not blasphemy; it’s heresy). Still, if this is your cup of tea, get yourself a steaming pot of is, as you will have a rollicking good time.
On a scale of 1 to 10:

Artwork           9 (With this many naked people, the art had best be snappin’)
Plot                  7 (Runs a bit thin near the end)
Pacing              8 (Good balance of action and talking)
Effectiveness   7 (Gets frustrating as it seems to be strung out)
Conclusion      8 (There are four seasons, so it doesn’t end)
Fan Service     9 (A similar show would be “Eiken”)

Overall            7 (Too many similar shows)

And remember, it’s first run until you’ve seen it. The bath house is closed?