I recently gave a review regarding “Princess Lover”, a rather standard romantic comedy anime. It was a fan-service heavy eroge game, which became a fan-service heavy manga, which became a fan-service heavy anime. OK, the above picture never happened in the anime, but it skated pretty close to it.

They later came out with two OVAs. The first one was a six-episode offering. If you didn’t have the time to invest 300 minutes to watch the entire series, you could cough up 16 minutes to get an overall sense of the show, but not get a good feel for it. Look, if you don’t have the time to watch anime in its entirety, then go watch something else, like “Schoolhouse Rock” or “Foul-Up, Bleeps and Blunders”. Anime does require your attention.

It was the second OVA that bothered me. Now, I have seen a lot of things in anime that bother me, but this one really sticks in my craw, as it doesn’t make any real sense. The second OVA is a two-episode excursion into hentai.

I am never going to review hentai anime. It’s boring. And repetitive. And boring. And repetitive. And boringly repetitive. This OVA is no different, but why take established characters and have them doing this? It’s like Disney turning Ariel into some smut offering. And to make matters worse, it’s not all that good.

The first thing you need to do, if you decide on this path, is decide NOT to take that path. Since you are not going to be convinced otherwise, then that the artwork HAS to be top drawer. See all that lusciousness up there? Not in the show. It’s standard, boring, repetitive artwork. I assume that you would be ‘anxious’ to see it, as people are going to be intimate. And since we are cranking this stuff out as fast as we can, things like ‘design’ and ‘plot’ and ‘characters’ tend to get in the way. So it is flat and drab. And boring. And repetitive. And boringly repetitive.

Adding to my confusion is that the character of Claire (she’s the one pointing her sword at you) is an independent, emotionally strong, physically adept and self-confident woman when she is in the original show. Here? She’s just another bimbo, thoroughly at the sway of her wants, needs and desires, so she talks in facile, brainless jabber.

Another thing that bothered me is that you never see Teppei’s face. It’s in shadow or covered with his hair, or turned away from us. This led me to think that perhaps it was all a fantasy. Claire only wishes this to happen, but it never really did. I’m not certain, as it was so difficult to track it down.

The first site I grabbed it at gave me Spanish subtitles. Aside from “Otra cerveza, por favor”, I’m going to have troubles. The second was in Polish. Well, that was a waste of time. The third was in Thai. Now, Thai is a beautiful-looking language, with all those curlicues, but since it is symbolic (like Cyrillic or Kanji), it washed over me. I finally found a site with English subs, but, it was all for naught. A complete waste of time.

You are treated to endlessly boring and repetitive scenes of her being overwhelmed by Teppei’s desires in various locations: in the bed, in the shower, in the car, in the classroom, in the kitchen, in the ballroom, in the study. It was almost like a game of “Clue”. And the ‘technique’ presented wasn’t much better than hoeing weeds in the garden or painting a fence. The fact that they made two episodes was mind-boggling, as there was no reason for even one episode. And I truly doubt that even if the artwork was stunning, I would recommend it. It’s hentai. What’s to recommend? You want this kind of review:

“It tells the story of a woman, who feels that she can no longer wield a blade with deftness and dexterity, and so hunts down a swordsman of legendary prowess, who shows her the real ins and outs of being able to handle any size sword without fully bending to their will and mastery.” What’s so bad it that it is not that far from the truth.

It is the mindset of the parent company that has me perplexed. This show could have utilized any menu of stock characters doing these actions, so why denigrate what you already have out there with this? The fact that not too many people are aware of it comes off more as a crap shoot, hoping to squeeze a bit more money out of things, but at what cost? Or maybe I’m looking at this wrong. Maybe this is a movement that all shows should embrace: the Hentai Cut.

See! Boring artwork.
Watch! Boring intimacy.
Feel! Bored watching this junk

And that it just ends with nothing more than a fare-thee-well actually shouldn’t be surprising, but it was grating. Again, it’s just the initial idea to smuttify this which chafed my chaps. I may be old fashioned, but I still do not see any genuine reason to destroy your work.